NOOOOOooooooooooooooo!
Now that wacky and irrepressible prof Stephen Kaufman has gone and done it! He has upped the ante and will really put the screws to the University of Illinois administration by {gulp} sending out mailers to prospective athletes! News-Gazette (September 21, 206)
The mailers (24 pages strong!) will "inform potential student athletes of the racial discrimination and stereotyping the university chooses to maintain." U of I professor Phillip Phillips (still a bit pissed at his parents for the fun they had filling out the name on his birth certificate) and some other prof types will assist Special K.
Well, folks, it was a good run, but now it's over. Once would-be Illini learn that there is a group of dim but well-meaning sandal-wearers (middle-aged white guys from somewhere else, in the case of Kaufman) who want to dictate the "right" way to celebrate Native American culture to the less enlightened, well, those guys and gals will want to take their ball somewhere else.
Ok, they won't take it to North Dakota (Fighting Sioux and LOTS of Native American names plastered on everything from roads to coffee mugs); or Bradley (oh, wait, I think they are changing their name to the Bradley Brave (no 'S'), so maybe they're OK now).
Let's see, you're 17 or 18, and you have a chance to play football or basketball at the University of Illinois. You're all set to put your John Henry on your national letter of intent, but then pause, noticing the large, impressive envelope from the school of your choice. You open it, and your worst fears are confirmed -- that WAS a white kid doing the halftime performance at the football game that you attended last weekend!
Shocked and horrified, you put down the pen. You'll have to tell your parents.
"Mom?. . . Dad? . . . I . . . I'm not going to Illinois."
Why not, son? What's happened?
"They . . . discriminate against . . . Native Americans. They have this Chief symbol thing . . . something about tribes that used to live in IIlinois. They've been doing it for 80 years. But now some people say it's wrong, but they won't stop. It's horrible."
Son, those must be some bad, ugly people over there in Urbana-Champaign (or is it Champaign-Urbana?). If they hate Indians so much, I bet they'll hate you too. Damn hillbillies. I think you should look at a different school. How 'bout Indiana? They don't have an offensive mascot, and guess what, their coach is a real Indian!
"Good thinking, Dad. Cuz' that's what I really care about. Not the school,or the coaches, or the microbiology department (although I hear there are some very caring and sensitive professors), the practice facilities, or the quality of the athletic programs. Nope, what I care about is going to a school where no one has to be offended."
That's the spirit, Jimmy!
One question, though, Dad. Isn't "Indiana" derived from the fact that Native Americans lived there? Aren't they just as bad as Illinois?
No, son, because they don't even try to remember the Indian culture. They are progressive and have moved on to the "Hoosier" as their great symbol.
Oh, I get it. Since no one knows what it is, no one can be offended by it. That's smart. And progressive. AND they are in the same state as NCAA headquarters, where they are trying to put a stop to ugly racism like Chief IIliniwek. I want to go to school there. One last thing, though, Dad.
Yes, son.
Do they still . . . smoke . . . in Indiana?
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